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On a large farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom liked to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around wildly, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
‘When you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Harley to pick up chicks!
Good thing I have a Harley!
One Saturday afternoon I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.”
I took a drink from my can of Beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my RayBans and stared directly at this nosy bitch and calmly replied, “I am. That’s why SHE cuts the grass.”
A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”
The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”
The wife said, “Seven weeks.”
The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two more minutes went by, and he still wasn’t talking.
Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn’t be long, but needed to make an important call.
“Hold your horses,” he responded, covering the receiver. “I’m talking to my wife.”
Benny and Mark were at the bar chatting about how much their wives thought of them. Mark said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s great!”
Not to be out done, Benny said, “That’s nothing. My wife simply worships me…”
Confused Mark asked, “She worships you? C’mon, what makes you say that?”
“Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me.”
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.”
He continued, “She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.
One eagle says to the other, “Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?”
The other replies, “Yeah. You’d move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!”
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
“Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.”
He looked confused,
“What are you talking about?”
“Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you for three days?” I challenged.
“No,” he said, “I just thought we were getting along.”
A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell her that he had to “work late” and she said, “no problem.”
After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He fell into a state of panic. What was he going to tell his wife?
He walked in the door and was greeted by his excited and happy dog. Inspired, he fell to the floor and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand he walked into the living room and exclaimed, “Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!”
His wife jumped up, ripped open her blouse and said, “That’s nothing, look at what he did to my tits!”
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”
His mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. “Dad why are wedding dresses white?”
His father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”
