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I remember getting that “gut instinct” when I was younger. After years of drinking now all i get is indigesrion heartburn & reflux
I also agree most forums are not very popular these days as a majority peeps seem to prefer social media platforms. When I get time I certainly will post here.
I recently had to use a public phone box in London, and was shocked to see a card advertising advertising a ‘Spanking by a naughty nurse, any time’. No wonder my wife has been waiting for a operation for 18 months when these so-called healthcare professionals are willing to abandon their patients at the drop of a hat in order to attend to someone’s sexual lustings.
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the
positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a
frozen carburettor.
Last year on a bitterly cold winter’s day, a motorcycle cop
on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The<span class=”text_exposed_show”>
biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face
helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
“What’s the matter? asked the cop
“Carburettor’s frozen,” was the terse reply.
“Piss on it. That’ll thaw it out.”
“I can’t,” said the biker.
“OK, watch me closely and I’ll show you.” The cop unzipped and promptly
warmed the carburettor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local police station received a note of thanks
from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: “On behalf of my daughter Jill………”.</span>
I went on a blind date last night.
I asked,”Do you like Peppa Pig?”
She said,”Yes.”
I said,”Waiter,can we have some pepper over here please?”.
A CHRISTMAS PANTOMIME
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards.
One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. ‘Mist all chucking frighty!!!’ said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella’s door and the sugly isters let him in… Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.
‘Who’s fust jarted??’ asked the prandsome hince. ‘Blame that fugly ucker over there!!’ said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
Now that’s what we call a bucking frilliant tittle lale!
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This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by
Micks.
Little lad walking down the street at 2am when a copper approaches him… “And where are you going at this time of the night sonny”… the lad says “I’m looking for a prostitute”… The cop asks “Why would you be looking for a prostiute”… the lad says “I want to get a dose of the clap”… “Whatever makes you want that” asks the cop… “Well, If I get the clap i can give it to the maid, the maid can give it to father, father he can give it to mother and mother can give it to the gardener coz he’s the bastard that killed my tortoise!!..
I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.
So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.
I squinted my eyes and shouted, “Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!” But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get the fuk out!!..
My wife sent me a picture earlier with the message, “This is what’s waiting for you when you get home.”
I’m not sure if I’m getting lucky or we’re having chicken.
“We live in an uncaring society. I was in the park the other day watching an old man feed the birds, and after a while I thought to myself: ‘I wonder how long he’s been dead?'”
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This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by
