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If someone coughs near you ask them to far cough
Good job, made my living areas smaller to fit in an extra garage, three is ok though four is much better.
<article>Food shortages in the supermarkets….hot tip…..Whiskas Beef cat food makes an excellent chilli con carne, not only does it taste great but with balanced mineral levels it supports a healthy urinary tract, the zinc content ensures a healthy skin and there are no added artificial flavours, colours or preservatives.
The only down side is sometimes you start licking your own arse!!.
</article>
Paddy’s in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“What the hell you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself”, Paddy replies.
“It should be around your neck”, says the Guard.
“I know”, says Paddy, “but I couldn’t breathe.”
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!”
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”
She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
His reply was: “The drugs are wearing off!”
Just saw on the news 97% of makeup is made in China and all supplies are shut down..
Fellas, you are about to get a rude awakening!!..
An old man goes to the wizard to ask if he can remove a curse, he’s been living with for the last 40 years.
The wizard says, “Maybe, but you’ll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation:
“I now pronounce you man and wife.”
<span class=”_4yxo”>This Virus must have hit India hard. I’ve not had a single phone call in a week about a car accident I havent been in!</span>
I was telling the wife “My mum loved me so much when I was a child that she would say a prayer for me every night..!”
The wife asked “What did she say in her prayer…?”
I said “Thank Christ the little fuker’s in bed…!”
OK…So all football suspended.so for a change i started talking to my wife and found out she got made redundant from WOOLWORTHS.
