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It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around the town. The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders, the tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot and finally the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!
Paddy and Mick are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder,
Paddy goes first and is asked, “If you lost an eye, what would you be?”
He answers, “Half blind.”
Then he was asked, “What would you be if you lost both eyes?”
He answers, “Blind.”<span class=”text_exposed_show”>
Builder says, “Great, you got the job – send Mick in.”
Mick over heard the interview and thinks, “Great, I’ll just give the same answers.”
The builder asks, “If you lost an ear, what would you be?”
Mick says, “Half blind.”
Then was asked, “What about if you lost both ears?”
Mick says, “Blind.”
The builder, a bit puzzled, asked, “How would that be?”
Mick says, “My hat would fall down!”</span>
Paddy goes to the toilet at work but doesn’t return for about 20 minutes. “Where have you been all this time?” asked the boss. “Washing my hands, I forgot the words to Happy Birthday so sang Bohmemian Rhapsody twice” he replied
A Son
A middle-aged couple Mr and Mrs 0’Shea had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, ‘No, not this time!’
Two cases of Coronavirus have been confirmed in Liverpool. One was a known contact of an existing patient. The other was robbing his house.
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.
“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?”
“There is, he replied…. “Breakfast.”
A man goes into a bakers and asks for 2 bread rolls the shop man picks them up with tongs and puts them in a paper bag, he then asks for 2 cakes the shop man picks them up with the tongs and puts them in the bag.
The man says! “It’s nice to see you don’t handle the food!”
The shop man says! “Nothing in my shop is handled by human hand!”
He then noticed a peace of string hanging out of the shop mans trousers and asks! “What is that peace of string for!”
The shop man says! “When I need a piss I just pull on the string and it pops out?”
“That’s ok!” Says the man! “But how do you put it back?”
“That’s no problem!” Says the shop man! “I just use the tongs! “
The population of the United Kingdom is over 66 million, with 33.65 million females and 32.79 million males. So the abolition of the ’Tampon Tax’ is technically being forced on a minority. What about abolishing Tax on beer for us minority males that need alcohol as a necessity to endure menstrual females?
