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<h2 class=”_2cuy _509y _2vxa”>Just got pulled over by the police the officer said to me “sir I can smell alcohol”</h2>
<h2 class=”_2cuy _509y _2vxa”>I said “yes that’s because you are not respecting social distancing”</h2>
Young lad driving to work in these troubled times, is stopped at a checkpoint.
“Where are you going ” Says the guard
” I’m going to work, we’re an essential service”
“Oh yeah” Says the guard ” And pray tell, what do you do that’s so essential”
“We build arseholes” Says the young lad
“Sorry, explain that to me” Says the guard
Young lad says, ” We put piles of shite in a bucket, and eventually it grows into a six foot arsehole ”
” And what do you do with a six foot arsehole” Says the guard
Young lad replies ” We put them on a checkpoint to ask people where they are going”
Absolutely devastated. A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and why during this terrible time? He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says:
“Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”
My girlfriend rang me and said, “Are we going to get married?”
I said, “Of course we are, babe”
She said, “Then why the fuk aren’t you here at the church?”
A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him “You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!”
One day Arthur’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the<span class=”text_exposed_show”> feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform…… Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful……
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his floor scrubber !!!!!
Don’t tell me you thought that Arthur became a feckin’ doctor!</span>
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow:
It was addressed, ‘Dad’. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
A furious pounding in a hotel room in the middle of the night awakened a number of guests.
The hotel manager went to the room, and when his knocks went unanswered, he let himself in. He found an elderly man cursing and banging on the wall with both fists.
“Stop that immediately, sir!” the manager ordered. “You’re disturbing everyone in the hotel.”
“Damn the hotel and everyone in it!” the elderly man hollered. “I just got an erection!”
“Okay,” said the hotel manager, “but why must you bang your fists against the wall?”
“Because it’s the first erection I’ve had in years and both of my hands are asleep!”
1955 Chev Belair
“What’s the difference between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine,” the society matron asked the zookeeper.
“The principal difference is the North American species has a longer prick.”
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed immediately to the zoo manager’s office.
The zoo manager said, “Ma’am, I apologize for my staff’s unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is that the North American species has a longer QUILL. Their pricks are the same size.”
Hey Mick is it possible to put the brand /model of the cars ,some I have know idea what they are
Thanks I will where possible.
