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The maternity class was full of pregnant women and their husbands. The instructor was saying “Ladies, remember to walk as often as possible. Walking will help strengthen the pelvic muscles and make delivery much easier. Just remember to take breaks when necessary and try to walk on soft ground like grass, or a path. And gentlemen, it would be good if you walked with your wife. Remember, this is a shared experience and will do both of you good.” The room became very quiet when a man in the corner slowly raised his hand. “Yes?” Asked the instructor. “I was wondering if it would be alright if she carried a golf bag while we walked.
Dating Katie Price is a lot like Jury service. It usually lasts about two weeks and eventually most people have done it.
The Priest said, ‘Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. ‘
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, ‘Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.’
Sister Mary Katherine said, ‘Hard bed.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ the Priest said, ‘We will get you a better bed.’
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. ‘You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.’
‘Cold food,’ said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. ‘You may say two words today.’
‘I quit,’ said Sister Mary Katherine.
‘It’s probably best,’ said the Priest, ‘You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here.’
IMHO I reckon your Premier has a good finger on the pulse & for your sakes is making the right decisions, keep doing what your doing mate.
Again great progress IJ, good thing you can take your time getting all this right whilst under this pandemic! It’s not looking good there in Mexico with increased diagnosed cases on a daily basis.
The doctor said to me, “I’m sorry, Mr Brown but I’m going to have to amputate your wife’s clitoris.” “Amputate her clitoris?” I replied. “Why? What is it?” He said, “It’s the small bump at the top of her sexual organs which gives her pleasure, but according to her you wouldn’t know that.
Love him or hate him good old Boris isn’t daft is he….
Opens up the barbers and the pubs ,fresh cut and pint or 12 with the lads knowing full well the Mrs doesn’t want to be seen out in public with eyebrows like caterpillars and fingernails like pork scratching’s so he’s kept beauty salons closed so she can stay at home looking after the kids…The bloke’s a genius even if he brushes his hair with a fooking toffee apple!!!Great progress IJ, some split black convoluted conduit will go nicely over any exposed harness.
The Penis Poem
A penis is a splendid thing; you ladies should be jealous.
An organ with such lovely skin, it’s smooth and mostly hairless.It starts to grow so quickly when a guy’s about thirteen,<span class=”text_exposed_show”>
His testicles on either side, his willy in between.</span>It dangles neatly down below; it’s softly warm and loyal.
But at the slightest hint of lust, it’s ready to uncoil.It seems to have a mind all of its own; it’s like an untamed beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out, just when you ‘spect it least.Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves, erecting when it shouldn’t.
A bumpy train ride sets it off, and then I wish it wouldn’t.During summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach,
A glimpse of wobbly boobs or bums will make it squirm and reach.But handle it with love and care, for it will give great pleasure.
I often check if it has grown – now when did I last measure?Some men will fret about their size: they give it lots of thought;
Is seven inches long enough? It makes them quite distraught.They sneak a look in toilets, wondering what they’ll see,
But if another glances back at them, there’s no way they can pee!Masturbating is a sin – at least some folks believe.
That’s just some ‘old wives’ tale, ’cause it really can relieve.Without this super organ, no shag would be complete.
Lesbians can try their best, but must admit defeat.It has some splendid functions, I’m sure you will agree:
To start a whole new life, and more than that – to pee!But what seems most amazing about my one-eyed flute,
Whatever it is doing, it knows which juice to shoot..And better yet, it stays with one, until one’s old and frail.
Don’ pull it out in public though, or you’ll be thrown in jail.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by
Micks.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by
