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A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
“What’s that for?” the lady questions.
“Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.”
Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.<span class=”text_exposed_show”>
‘What’s that ?’ the lady questions again.
“Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV.”
Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: “Don’t tell me you have AIDS!”
The man replies: “No, no…!!! Calm down…!!!
It will say ADIDAS in a minute.</span>
I think my wife’s starting to get dementia. She just said she doesn’t remember what she ever saw in me.
The Sky At Night is examining man’s fascination with the planet Mars. In 2010 we finally confirmed that there had been water on Mars but alcohol was not detected. So if mankind lives there, there will be no Mars bars….
Went to the doctors and he told me i needed a pacemaker. So now I’ve got this annoying Kenyan 2 yards in front of me everywhere I fucing go!!
67 Stang Fastback
I took my new girlfriend to a fund raiser event,we entered the one legged race and came last.she broke up with me 2 hours later, I said why?,She said we got off on the wrong foot,
As I recovered from surgery, I asked the doctor how it went. “Well” said the doc, “you’ve got a punctuated large intestine.” “Don’t you mean punctured or perforated?” I Asked. “No” said the doc..”we removed half of it, you’ve now got a semi-colon.”
A British Navy Destroyer stops four illegals in a row boat, rowing towards Brighton .”The captain gets on the loud hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?” One of the illegals stands up and shouts, “We are invading England !”
The crew of the Destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops laughing, he gets back on the loud hailer and says, “Just the four of you?”
The illegal stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The other 6 million are already there!”
Scientists are saying pubs may have to close if schools reopen. Is there really that much under age drinking?
Helping my neighbour move some stuff this morning and I accidentally dropped his glass chess set breaking most of the pieces… With that I offered to pay for it and he asked how I was going to pay… I said cheque mate…
I went to see my Therapist today,She said todays letter is N, tell me something beginning with N that you are no good at ? I said Spelling,,
