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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . “In fact”, he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society”.After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery”, asked the couple?“Because I am the artist, who painted the picture”, he replied, “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch”
“Did I come out of mum’s tummy?” asked my son.“Yes mate.” I said. “I know it’s hard to believe but five years ago that’s where you were.”He looked at my missus slouched on the settee. “Dad? Are there still some people in there?”
A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”
Man: “Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”
Judge: “Proceed.”
Man: “I got lost in the woods. I hadn’t had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground.”
Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”
15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.
Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn’t intend to kill the Eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don’t mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?”
Man: “Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl.‘I’m a really good drunk,’ my wife told me, ‘I don’t get into fights, I’m not hurtful.’ I said, ‘No, you save that for when you’re sober.’<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk qowsmv63 owwhemhu dp1hu0rb dhp61c6y iyyx5f41″> </span>A woman’s anger is like a ”Check Engine Light” There is no way to figure why it came on. Just ignore it & hope it goes away!
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Nasa plans to put a woman on the moon by 2024. It would have been 2022 but they need two more years to develop an automatic gearbox for the lunar rover.</span>
Giving the wife a lift, we were stopped by a police officer.He said ” Excuse me but could I see your licence”.The wife shouted to the officer.“Now look here you, I’m in hurry, so don’t you start annoying my husband when he’s had a drink”.
I was so drunk last night when I got to the bottom of the stairs ..I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear off
I crept upstairs very quietly………It was only when I got to the top of the stairs I realised I was on a fucing bus!!.
