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Every time I took a girl home to meet mum she made it very clear she thought the girl wasn’t good enough for me
Sometimes it was the looks, sometimes the interests or sometimes even the sound of her voice.
She made dating very hard
One day I’d had enough and I thought, I’ll find a girl that looks like mum, shares the same interests and even sounds like her
Unbelievably against all odds the next day I found someone exactly like that and made them fall in love with me
So I took her home and guess what!
Dad fucin hates her
If you know someone who will be lonely this Christmas, having their Christmas Dinner alone, please let me know.I need to borrow some chairs!!.
I was walking by the river bank the other day, when an angler caught my eye.I wonder how much compensation I’ll get…
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I thought I was listening to a Kate Bush song in the car when I realised that the radio was off and I needed to have my brake pads changed.</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I had to go to the doctors today. “Hey Doc” I said, “I’m here because I’ve been getting these terrible headaches recently.””Hmm. Have you been drinking enough?” he asked. “Yeah” I replied, “I downed 2 cans in the waiting room.”</span>
I was clearing out my late German Grandfather’s closet.
And I decided to give all his Old Clothes to a Charity Shop.
I handed over the Bag of Clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it.
When a horrified expression formed on her Face.
“How dare you bring this Uniform in to my Shop” she exclaimed angrily.
“This is a Sick Symbol of Pain, Shame and Humiliation”..?!?!?
Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the Bag.
“I’m truly sorry” I said.
*
“I had no idea he was a Man Utd fan”..?
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>A man is angry because he has it in his head that someone stole his wallet. He walks into a church to steal someone else’s wallet, but he has a change of heart during the service. He confesses to the priest afterwards about what his intentions had initially been. The priest asks, “What made you change your mind?” The man says, “In your sermon on the Ten Commandments when you got to ‘Thou shall not commit adultery,’ I remembered where I left my wallet!”</span>
I asked my wife if she’d like a diamond necklace for her birthday.She said “nothing would make me happier!”…..So I got her nothing instead….
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My wife phoned me. “There are two men standing outside,” she whispered in a panic. “I think they are going to break in to our house.” I said, “If they force their way in, don’t let them have anything good. Ok?” “Ok, ok. I’ll try my best!” she cried. I said, “No television. No Xbox, none of my expensive shirts. Ok?” “Ok, ok!” she shouted. “But–my goodness, honey, what if they ask me for sex?” I replied, “That’ll be fine. I said ‘anything good’.</span>
Apparently Melania was also taken to hospital once she heard the news Trump had the virus.For plastic surgery, to take the smile off her face
