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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I told the barman at my local that he could borrow my sex doll any time he wanted. “Eugh! That’s disgusting!” he exclaimed. “Yeah,” I said, “but you were pretty quick to jump on my ex-girlfriend weren’t you?”</span>
9th November: Pfizer & BioNTech announce a vaccine that is 90% effective but has to be stored at in an industrial freezer.16th November: Moderna announces a vaccine that is 95% effective that can be stored in a fridge.17th November: Trump and Domestos announce a vaccine that is 99% effective and can be kept under the sink!!
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.10. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.13. I run like the winded.14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?17. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.18. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”19. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.-
This reply was modified 4 years ago by
Micks.
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My wife was reading some of her quiz questions out of Cosmo, and she turned to me and asked, “Have you ever had sex with a really fat woman?” …She said it with a straight face too!</span>
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Micks.
I got home from taking our son to the park.“I’m really sorry, love,” I sobbed uncontrollably to the wife. “I left Sammy’s jacket on the bus.”“That’s ok,” she laughed. “Why are you so upset?”I replied, “Because Sammy is still in it.”
I went to the doctor to get a prescription for my alcoholism. “What’s the cost of this prescription?” I asked him. “$200,” he said. I said, “Woah, and what are the side effects?” “Drowsiness, nausea, headaches..” he listed. “I’ll decline,” I said. “It seems cheaper just to get drunk.”
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.“Ma’am,” he explained, “I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.”“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”“My babysitter’s boyfriend.”
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>The missus would be absolutely livid with me if she knew what kind of racist and sexist jokes I’ve been posting here….. Sincerely, Prince Harry</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>From 1952 to 1963 the British Government tested nuclear weapons in Australia. That’s always puzzled me. Why go all that way when you’ve got Bradford on your doorstep?</span>
The company Pfizer, which today announced the vaccine against Covid-19 soon, is the same company that created Viagra.
Therefore, we can fully rely on the announced vaccine, because if Pfizer was able to raise the dead, they should be much more easier too cure the living!!
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
