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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Little Mary wanders into her parent bedroom late one night and asks if they know how long they have lived at that house, then she holds up two fingers. “Yes, two years’ said mommy “well done”. The following night she again appears in their room asks if they know how many kittens they have. She then answers her own question by (correctly) holding up three fingers. Two nights later, she’s back to ask if they know how old she will be on her birthday next week, and as her parents look at her she holds up five fingers. “Well done again” said mommy “Don’t you agree daddy ?” “Sod that “ said daddy, clearly exasperated, “I want to know where she is getting all those fingers from !”</span>
One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine.He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny.As he gets closer, he realises that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out “What’s the matter Jim?” Jim shouts back in a nervous voice:“Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron. “
The Doctor said to Paddy’s wife, “Quick! Paddy is having a stroke!” Paddy’s wife replied, ” Shit, not again, Should I look the other way?”
Mirrors, I was told never to use them!
I just told my wife I’m going to start smoking marijuana.She said, if I did she was going to leave me.So, there is your proof that marijuana gets rid of pains….<span id=”jsc_c_en” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
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There was a girl busking in town today.. Who asked.. Any Requests?Your thong… I repliedThe crowd gasped, and her friend punched me in the face! <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”>
</span>I gueth thome people don’t like Elton John!!
Ordered some Chinese food last night.
When it got delivered, the Chinese man said “£20.00 pwease”
I said, “Do you know what Katie Prices son is called?”
He said “Harfey Pwice.”
I said “Cheers ting tong, here’s a tenner now fuk off”Did a sexual harassment course earlier today at work. Think I’m going to be really good at it.
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id” dir=”auto”><span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”>Did you know Jesus Christ was going to be called Brian, but Joseph stubbed his toe on the way into the Registry Office ! </span></span>
A wealthy old man was lying on his deathbed, when it occurred to him he had never made a will, so he called his lawyer to help him make his will. The following day his lawyer came, and the wealthy man said, “I want 25% of my money to go to charity. After all I’ve taken, I should give something back.”“How generous of you,” the lawyer responded. “I’ll make sure it happens right away.”“I also want 25% of it to go to my son. He’s been counting the days till he could get my money,” the old man said.“Okay, I’ll make sure he receives 25% of it,” the lawyer replied.“I want the rest to go to my wife, on condition that she remarries after I die,” the old man said.“Okay, I’ll ensure that that happens, but may I ask why you want her to remarry? It’s a quite obscure request,” the lawyer asked.“I want to make sure at least one man regrets my death,” the old man said…
Today’s my birthday so my wife said she’d do my “favourite fantasy.” I had her put on a cute apron as a “naughty housewife” in the kitchen. She just stood there for 15 minutes, and then she said, “Well, aren’t you going to come get it over with and give me a rogering ?”I replied, “No, I just love seeing you where you belong at the stove.”
