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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I told my Daughter to take an old damaged portrait of herself to a restorer to get fixed. Dirty bastard just texted me saying he’d touched her up!</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I got home at 3am, steaming drunk, and half a kebab down my shirt. My wife had a fit.I thought “I’ll sort her out in the morning. I’m not gonna let her epilepsy ruin my night”.</span>
I got drunk and chatted up this bird down the pub. “You remind me of Bob Dylan,” she said. “What?” I replied, “profound and poetic?” “No,” she said, “I can hardly understand a word you are saying.”
A woman who was widowed at a very young age was in the store buying groceries one day. And being several months since her husband died, she was feeling a little lonely. She noticed the young boy who was bagging her groceries at the checkout, a strong strapping country boy. And she asked him if he would carry her groceries out to the car for her. On the way out to the car she takes the boy by his arm and whispers in his ear. “I have an itchy pussy.” The boy looks her right in they eye and says. “Lady you’ll have to point that one out, all those Japanese cars look the same to me.”
My wife is leaving me because I ask for sex far too often.
We’re going to see a divorce lawyer tomorrow. The wife says she wants a quickie.
And she’s got the cheek to talk about me?..
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.“May we see the new baby?” one asked.“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”“No, not yet,” said the mother.After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”“No, not yet,” replied the mother.Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”
“I always stir my tea with my left hand”,said the Englishman.“I always stir my tea with my right hand”,said the Scotsman.“How about you?” the Irishman was asked.”Oh me?” said the Irishman,”I always use a feckin spoon”<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I had an affair with a stunning woman once but it didn’t last. Not wanting my wife to discover any perfume or make up on me, I told her not to wear any. And then I didn’t fancy her anymore.</span>
As a kid I used to crawl down the stairs pretending to be spider manAs an adult I crawl up the stairs pretending to be sober
I went to the garage this morning for petrol. The first pump wouldn’t work, the second wouldn’t nor the third. I went into the shop and said to the blonde girl behind the counter, “Have you got your pumps on?”She said, “No, I’m wearing Ugg boots<span id=”jsc_c_k9″ class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
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