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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My ex said “you remind me of the sea”, I asked if it was because I am deep stormy and tempestuous. She said “no, you make me sick “</span>
I was talking to another coworker by the water cooler one day.I said, “A mate of mine tried to make a new kind of car.He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from a Jaguar, the tyres from a Mazda, and the exhaust system from a Renault…”The other coworker replied, “Really? What did he get..?”“Ten years..!” I replied
69 Plymouth Roadrunner
Guys, if you’re trying to meet a cool woman, look for a gal out walking her dog.She’s active, clearly has great taste in animals AND she’s already prepared to pick up shit off the street – this is your chance:
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My instructor for an online physics course I’m taking for my Masters just told me off and said I’m not taking it seriously. Apparently “My wife” is not an appropriate answer for an example of Critical Mass.</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”><b>Blonde Cookbook</b></span><span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”>MONDAY:
It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY:
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY:
Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY:
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY:
Tom’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
<b>GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.</b>
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate Moose.</span>
Paddy had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his wife had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what ? ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ‘I’m beginning to think you’re fkin bad luck..
Will be an ugly baby :lol:
Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.” She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, and then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself?”
A nursery school teacher says to her class: “Who can use the word definitely in a sentence?”
First little girl says: “The sky is definitely blue.”
Teacher says: “Sorry,Amy but the sky can be grey,or orange.”
The second little girl says: “Trees are definitely green.”
“Sorry,but in the autumn trees are brown,” says the teacher.
Little Johnny from the back off the class stands up and asks: “Does a fart have lumps?”
The teacher looks horrified and says: “Johnny! of course not!!!”
“Ok then.” says Johnny: ” I definitely shit my pants.”
Paddy was looking in the jeweller’s shop window when an elephant came along, headbutted the window and hoovered up all the watches and jewellery with his trunk. Then he trundled off. Next, the cops arrive. “What exactly happened?” the cop asked. Paddy says, “It was an elephant. He headbutted the window and sucked everything up with his trunk.” “Hmm” said the cop. “Was it African or Asian?” “It was a fookin elephant!” says Paddy. “Yes, but did it have big ears or small ears?” “Aw, couldn’t tell ye” says Paddy. “He was wearing a balaclava”.
