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A 17 year-old boy came home with a brand new Jeep 4×4.His parents look at the Jeep and ask, “Where did you get that 4×4?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother.They knew what a new Jeep cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just £20.”The father looks at him like he’s crazy.“Who would sell a truck like that for £20?” he says.“It was the lady up the street,” says the boy. “I don’t know her name – they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her 4×4 Jeep for £20.”“Oh my Goodness!” says the mother. “Maybe she’s mentally ill or has Alzheimer’s something. John, you better go see what’s going on.”So the boy’s father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly weeding the garden.He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Jeep for £20 and asks to know why she did it.“Well,” she says, “two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Jamaica with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” the father says. “But what does that have to do with my son and your Jeep?”“Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash. He told me to sell his new Jeep and send him the money. So I did.” <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”>
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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>So as I was sitting on the sofa my missus sweetly whispered. “The best part about all this is that I get to spend more time with you “…As I looked over lovingly I realised she was talking to the dog.</span>
“A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes.”“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bull-shittin’ me!”The social worker said, “Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
6 months of lockdown with your wife has ended…..
You are offered a 2 month all expenses paid cruise through the Bahama’s , or a steak on a barbecue with with your best mates……What would you choose?
Rare, medium or well done?-
This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
Micks.
A bus load of Swedish tourists were travelling through the Australian outback when the bus broke down…….
The driver grabbed his tool kit, opened the bonnet and began tinkering with the engine…….
He had all sorts of tools, and was testing every component…..
The prettiest of the tourists was 22 year old Ingrid who claimed to be an apprentice motor mechanic from Stockholm…….
” Do you want a Screwdriver ”
” We might as well Ingrid, the bus is fukked and we are going nowhere!!
Two 90 year old men, Micky and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Micky visits him every day. One day Micky says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sundays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”Joe looks up at Micky from his death bed and says: “Micky, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.”Shortly after that, Joe passes on.At midnight a couple of nights later, Micky is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Micky… Micky…”“Who is it?” Asks Micky sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”“Micky It’s me, Joe…”“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe.” insists the voice.“Joe! Where are you?”“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”“‘Tell me the good news first,” says Micky.“The good news,” Joe says, “is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired.”“‘That’s fantastic,” says Micky. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news? ““You’re in the team for Sunday “
Have you noticed that most of the cleaning products are either Mr Sheen, Mr Muscle etc....and yet women complain Men don’t do any cleaning around the house
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, “I have a 45 calibre colt 1911 with a 7 round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife”.A voice from the back of the room called out,“You’ll need more ammo”
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>There wasn’t this much fuss when Pfizer marketed Viagra was there? Although a lot of women took it very hard.</span>
I was visiting a mate when I noticed that in the window of his neighbour, there were 2 blokes standing in the window.I asked my mate what the go was and he replied, “They’re just my neighbours Kurt and Rod…!”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
