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Johnny’s teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, ‘E-G-G’‘Very good’, says the teacher.Peter says he had Toast, ‘T-O-A-S-T?‘Excellent.’Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: ‘I had Bugger All’, he says, ‘ B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L’.The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada’s East Coast.When it’s Johnny’s turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question:Johnny, she asks the question ‘Where is the Pakistani border?’Johnny replied”The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.That’s why I got Bugger All for Breakfast.”A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.He wakes up as he’s being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.“Am I in heaven?” asks the disoriented priest.“No” says one of the nurses. “We’re just taking a short cut through the children’s ward.”
Keith Richards once got a tortoise for his birthday:He asked. “How old will it get.”They told him. “About 300 years.”He said. “Now you see why I’m against it, you get attached to such an animal and then it dies.”
TEACHER: “Why are you late,Johnny?”JOHNNY: “Because of the sign Miss!.”TEACHER: “What sign?”JOHNNY: “The one that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.”
Meghan Markle was visiting a primary school and she visited one of the classes.They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Meghan if she would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”.
So the the attention seeking soap star asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
him, that would be a ‘tragedy'”.
” No,” said Meghan, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained Meghan “That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered.Meghan searched the room.
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?”
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand…In a quiet
voice he said: “If the aeroplane carrying you and your husband was
struck by a “friendly fire” missile and blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy.
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Meghan. “That’s
right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy “It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be a fucin accident eitherAn Italian on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy,went to the local church for confession in 1960.When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the mansaid, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from ourneighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you haveno need to confess that.”“There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexualfavors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice onSundays.”The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did,you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under thosecircumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”“Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. I do have onemore question.”“And what is that?” asked the priest.“Should I tell her the war is over?”<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>1964 Ford Galaxie 500XL</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. “Well, I’ll tell you” the farmer replied. “One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life”. “Oh, that’s how he lost his leg?” the neighbour drawled. “No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!” “So that’s how he lost his leg”, stated the neighbour. “No, that wasn’t it” the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbour demanded “Then how did he lose his leg?” and the farmer replied, “When you have a pig that good, you don’t eat him all at once!”</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>1959 Dodge Coronet Lancer 2-Door Hardtop</span>
Meghan Markle has accused the Royal firm of racism by implying one of them speculated how black her offspring would be…
However she has refused to name exactly WHO made the remark.
If you think you know who it could possibly have been, send your guess to ..
PRINCE PHILIP COMPETITION
BBC NEWS
ENGLAND
Brian from accounts passed me this morning as I was going to work, he must have been doing at least 100mph.Mind you, he did jump from the thirty-second floor!!
