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Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages However, he wrote:1) It is perfect formula for the child.2) It provides immunity against several diseases.3) It is always the right temperature.4) It is inexpensive.5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.6) It is always available as needed.And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
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<p data-xf-p=”1″>Husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job.:</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>”But why?” Asked the disappointed wife.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said. “Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county and well, I’m pregnant.”</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1”>The wife said. “Look, we don’t want to lose you. My husband and I don’t have children, and we’ll adopt your baby if you will stay.”</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She talked to her husband and he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1”>In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said. “I am definitely leaving this time.”</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>”Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again?” Asked the lady of the house.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>”No.” She said. …..”I just can’t handle all these damned kids.”</p>
After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.‘What’s up with the big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.‘Yup,’ replied the drunk.‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.The three stood looking at one another for a moment…….Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!”
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, “Don’t you see the sign?It says, ‘Private property – Stay Out!'”The golfer says, “I’m sorry I did not see it. That’s my ball over there.May I have it, please?”The man says, “It’s in my yard and so it’s my ball now.”The golfer looks at the man and says, “I think I understand”He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.The man says, “What did you do that for?”The golfer replies…“I consider myself a Gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls.”
I went into this pet shop & asked the man behind the counter“I’m looking for a dog for my wife”?“Sorry” he said “We don’t do swaps”
How a man withdraws cash from the ATM:1) Park the car2) Go to ATM3) Insert card4) Enter PIN5) Take money6) Drive away——————How a woman withdraws cash from the ATM:1) Park the car2) Check makeup3) Turn off engine4) Check makeup5) Go to ATM6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse7) Insert cardHit cancel9) Hunt in purse for shit with PIN written on it10) Insert card11) Enter PIN12) Take cash13) Go to car14) Check makeup15) Start car16) Stop car17) Run back to ATM18) Take ATM card19) Back 2 car20) Check makeup21) Start car22) Check makeup23) Drive for a mile24)Release HAND BRAKE
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id” dir=”auto”><span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”><b>What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynocologist ? One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.</b></span></span>
Created for the ’60s custom car show circuit, Mercury’s 1964 Comet Super Cyclone was one of a kind.
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”“No, mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price.”“Well, that is being miserly,” the mother agreed, “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket.”“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, ‘PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,’ so I flew to Alaska
I was talking to a fat bird. She said “A lot of guys find plus-size women attractive, what about you? I said “As a matter of fact yes, lots of guys find me attractive too.”<span id=”jsc_c_ee” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
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The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower . . .was the way it covered it’s eyes when it saw me “<span id=”jsc_c_ih” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
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