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My missus said if you won millions on the lottery would you still love me? I said of course I would love and id think about you often and even write to you occasionally
“Young man,” said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. “It’s alcohol and alcohol alone that’s responsible for your present sorry state! ”I’m glad to hear you say that,” replied Mick, with a sigh of relief. ”Everybody else says it’s all my feckin fault!”
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Anybody on here with knowledge regarding noisy dishwashers? I’ve tried flowers, chocolates and wine and she’s still moaning!</span>
The internet is a breeding ground for fraud, petty scams, theft, racism, homophobia, misogynism, whinging, crying, cheating on your partner, grassing, and generally being an obnoxious twat.Yes, it’s an online Liverpool1956 Oldsmobile
Paddy went to the dentist. As he sat in the chair the dentist said “How’s the mouth?”Paddy said “She’s still in bed!”Jesus goes into a bar and sits at a table in the corner.An Australian, a German and a Tallaght man are in the bar. They’re staring at the man sitting by himself, at a table in the corner. He’s so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad.They stare and stare, until suddenly the Tallaght man twigs: ‘My God, it’s Jesus!’Sure enough, it is Jesus nursing a pint.Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of Becks. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he’s finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.He reaches for the hand of the German and shakes it thanking him for the Becks. When he lets go, the German gives a cry of amazement: ‘My God, the arthritis I’ve had for thirty years is gone. It’s a miracle!’Jesus then shakes the hand of the Aussie, thanking him for the lager.As he lets go, the man’s eyes widen in shock. ‘Strewth mate, the back pain I’ve had all my life is completely gone! It’s a miracle.’Jesus then approaches the Tallaght man, who knocks over a chair and a table trying to get away from the Son of God.‘What’s wrong?’ says Jesus.The Tallaght man shouts, ‘feck off, I’m on disability benefit!
50 Years of the Charger 1971-2021 “Hey Charger”!
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics.So I stopped going.You should never take the piss. My mate was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on the other day.The bloke had the last laugh though.Sentenced him to three years.
This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him.He interviewed three people. The first, Mick, came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.” “OK, you’re hired. Here’s your kit; go sell!”The second,Seamus, came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.” “OK, you’re hired! Here’s your kit; go sell!”The third, Paddy, came in and said, “I- i – I wa – wa- wa-want t-t-t-to s-s-s-ell, Bi – bi – Bibles, f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you!”“No,” shouted the man, “this will never work! You can’t sell Bibles…..Paddy replied, “B-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, need tthis job!”As there were no other applicants, the man said, “OK, I’ll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to show immediate RESULTS!”Mick comes back and reports, “I sold 8 Bibles today.”Seamus reports: “I sold 11 Bibles today.Paddyreports, “To-t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!” “Great,” says the man. “However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!”At the end of the second day,Mick comes in and reports, “Today, I sold 32 Bibles.”Seamus reports, “I sold 44 Bibles today”Paddy reports, “To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi-Bibles.”“Fantastic,” said the man, “since you’re doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don’t you tell them what your sales technique is.“I-i-I j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, walk, up to up to them and ask, them… and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-if they want t-t-o-o- -b-b-b- buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to rrr read it to ’em?”
Helen was distraught after calling off her engagement to Simon and decided to write him a letter as follows…Dear Simon,I am writing to tell you that I have been unable to sleep ever since I broke off out engagement.Won’t you please forgive me ?Not being able to hug you anymore is breaking my heart.I admit now that I was a fool.Nobody can take your place.I really still love you so much.All my undying love,HelenP.S Congratulations on winning the Lottery!!.
