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Husband comes home from from a hard day at work.Wife: hello honey I did the shopping todayHusband: did you buy me a carton of beer like I asked?Wife: sorry I forgotHusband: you are always forgetting thingsWife: that’s not true what about 14 years 7months 3weeks and 6 days ago when you forgot to take the rubbish out.
True facts1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb.’2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden’… and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:Spades – King David,Hearts – Charlemagne,Clubs -Alexander the Great,Diamonds – Julius Caesar4. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… ‘goodnight, sleep tight.’5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.6. Since 1966,England fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.“Young man,” said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. “It’s alcohol and alcohol alone that’s responsible for your present sorry state! ”I’m glad to hear you say that,” replied Mick, with a sigh of relief. ”Everybody else says it’s all my fault!”
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Mother-in-law in the back of the car spent the whole journey whinging and giving extraneous advice on driving. Eventually we arrived and I reversed parked into a vacant slot at the road side. Mother-in-law “Why do men always back into parking spaces ?” Okay everyone, join in “Because we can”.</span>
If Men are only capable of concentrating on one thing at a time, how come Women have two boobs?
Why does Gaza keep firing rockets at Israel? …..It keeps them occupied.
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.The first man said…”I died of cancer”The second man said…”I died of tuberculosis”The third man said… “I died of seenus”The first two men asked…”Don’t you mean sinus?”The third man said…”NO, I mean SEENUS”. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he senus !!
One day my girlfriend sent me a text..
“I think we should break up”
I was devastated, but then she sent another one saying..
“Ignore that, sent it to the wrong person”
Imagine my relief?
A deaf mute steps up to tee off on the first hole of a golf course, when a large burly guy yells “Hey You!, Nobody tees off ahead of Big Ralph”. Being deaf the poor guy continues to prepare for his shot, so Ralph runs up thinking the deaf mute is being obstinate, and knocks the poor guy to the ground, kicks his ball away, and prepares for his own shot. After Ralph has hit the ball and proceeded down the fairway after it, the mute gets up brushes himself off, waits a moment, and again prepares his shot.The deaf mute then hits a beautiful shot straight up the middle of the fairway, striking big Ralph in the back of the head, and knocking him unconscious. The mute then walks down the fairway rolls big Ralph and holds up four fingers in front of Ralph’s face.47 Caddy
What goes in dry, comes out wet, and the longer it’s in the stronger it gets?
Tea.
