CommodoresPlus

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria found in water that contains faeces.
In other words, we are consuming one kilo of shit.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or…[Read more]

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat on the commuter train and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking on it in a loud voice.
“Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train.”
She continued, “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the…[Read more]

So a cafe advertised they could supply any dish so I went in and ordered an alligator claw sandwich topped with fried seagull wing sauce. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span>
“We can’t do that,” was the response.
Me: “Why not?”
Them: “We’ve run out of bread”

At a mental hospital :
Doctor: – What is this?
Patient: – This is a book i wrote. It has a total of 500 pages.
Doctor:- You wrote 500 pages! Wow, what did you write?
Patient :- On the first page i wrote ‘One king rode on a horse and went towards the jungle’.
And on the last page i wrote ‘The king reached the jungle’.
Doctor:- So what did you write…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>More and more Afghan refugees are heading to the airport to flee the violence and the queues are hundreds deep. A government spokesman said today that…[Read more]

Running on empty

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this drunk fat girl came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, “You’re kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?”

I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”

She said, “Yeah, I got a pen.”

I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”

Whats the difference between God & Bono… God doesnt get around thinking hes bono

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all walking along together when they encounter a slide in front of a magic pool.

The Englishman decides to give it a try and shouts as he slides down “Beer!” and lands in a pool of beer.

The Scotsman sees this and has a go himself. As he slides down cries out “Whiskey!”, and lands in a pool…[Read more]

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out:

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.

The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.

He says. “Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?”

Little Johnny says. “I farted in class and the t…[Read more]

Paddy was a very shy guy and goes into a bar in Dublin and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone…[Read more]