CommodoresPlus

Paddy returned home one night to find his wife lying naked in bed. His eyes went wide and he began to strip, only to stop suddenly when he saw a cigar in the ashtray beside the bed. “All right,” Paddy shouted, “I demand to know where this cigar came from!” A muffled voice came from under the bed, “Havana.”

Bert,at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples so, seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them. He was so delighted with his purchase, he decided to wear them home to show the misses.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different…[Read more]

After our daughter of fifteen years of age was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN the other day, she became angry with our generation “who had been doing nothing for thirty years” so, we decided to help her prevent what the girl on TV announced of “massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems”.

We are now…[Read more]

A guy dies and goes to Hell and meets Satan. Satan says to the man, “Nowadays, people entering Hell are able to choose their own personal hell. I will take you to a series of doors, and you will look inside and tell me if that is where you would like to spend eternity.” Satan opens the first door, the man looks inside and sees thousands of people…[Read more]

Last night I got into bed with my wife and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, but she had other ideas and started to grab hold of me and play with me, I knew she was up for it.

So I turned to her and said “Darling go down stairs and bring the cling film up.” and she did because she’s a really broad minded girl.

So I ripped off a large piece and…[Read more]

Sister Mary burst into the principal’s office and cried, “Father, just wait until you hear this!”

“Calm down, Sister Mary. Now tell me what has you so excited?”

“Well, Father, I was on my way to chapel when I heard some of the older boys wagering!”

“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest.

“But that’s not what made me so excited,…[Read more]

My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette’s suffering girlfriend for years now.

I always wondered what kept them together.

Then I saw the fuking swear jar in his house!!..

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day.

As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not proper to walk around without any panties on.”

The girl goes…[Read more]

I was at the local swimming baths and some asylum seeker was applying for a lifeguard job and the interview asked whether he could swim… I said “how the fuk do you think he got here!!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out…[Read more]