CommodoresPlus

Three Men in Heaven
Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died.

The first man said “I died of cancer.”

The second man said, “I died of tuberculosis.”

The third man said “I died of Seenus.”

The first two men said, “No, you mean sinus.”

The third man said “No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend’s wife, and…[Read more]

You know you’re getting old, when you look outside on a beautiful day and you think to yourself:

“hmmmm I’m going to make the most of this”

And then start filling the washing machine.

A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister.
“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.
“Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise.
“…[Read more]

A farmer is giving his blonde wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

“That fellow from the University will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate.”

Satisfied that his blonde wife understood the instructions, the far…[Read more]

Wouldn’t it be a shame if the Antidote for Coronavirus was made from Pork

Found a wallet, and thought about handing it in and thought “Well, if I lost my wallet with $500 in it , how would I feel?” And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

The girlfriend and I had a blazing row then she stormed off, jumped in the car, sped away and ended up wrapping it round a lampost and killing herself.

I was so upset I went to a medium as I wanted to apologise for my harsh words.

For half an hour we sat there in silence, watching the ouija board.

All of a sudden the medium stands up and says…[Read more]

I was standing at the train station this morning on my way to work, when I saw a little old lady trip over.

As she laid there complaining about the pain in her hip and legs, some bloke came over and said, “I’ll help you up.”

“Don’t touch her” I interrupted. “If you move her it could make the injuries worse, she needs to stay exactly where she is…[Read more]

I’ve been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to get a shower, comb my hair and brush my teeth.
I think they might be trying to groom me.