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A man goes into a bakers and asks for 2 bread rolls the shop man picks them up with tongs and puts them in a paper bag, he then asks for 2 cakes the shop man picks them up with the tongs and puts them in the bag.

The man says! “It’s nice to see you don’t handle the food!”

The shop man says! “Nothing in my shop is handled by human hand!”

He the…[Read more]

The population of the United Kingdom is over 66 million, with 33.65 million females and 32.79 million males. So the abolition of the ’Tampon Tax’ is technically being forced on a minority. What about abolishing Tax on beer for us minority males that need alcohol as a necessity to endure menstrual females?

A husband returns home from work to discover that his wife is missing.

He spends the next two days looking for her, and when he comes home on the second night he finds his spouse sitting in the kitchen, eating some pasta.<span class=”text_exposed_show”>

“You’re alive!” he cries. “Where have you been all this time?”

“These four men kidnapped me,…[Read more]

This lockdown brings back memories of asking my Grandad what he did during the war.
Apparently he bred messenger pigeons with woodpeckers.
Not only did they deliver a message but they also knocked on the door.

We are 2 weeks into self-isolation and it’s very upsetting for me to witness my wife standing at the living room window staring aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this.

I’ve thought very hard of how I can cheer her up.

I’ve even considered letting her in.

But rules are rules.

My sister asked me to pick her toddler up from creche. The interfering bitch in charge of the creche has reported me for smacking him. She reckons you’re only supposed to smack them if they’re being naughty. She also reckons being ginger doesn’t count as naughty..

Nigeria has confirmed 43 cases of Coronavirus. I hope it’s not the Nigerian Prince who wants to transfer $7,000,000 into my bank account.

My wife came home early to find me in the kitchen cooking a lovely candlelit dinner on the table and place settings for two.

“Oh this is a surprise” she said.

“Too right it is,” I replied “I didn’t expect you back till Monday! “

Imagine if 10 years ago you were approached by a time traveler and he was like “look, I don’t have much time to explain, but all I can tell you is that the year 2020 is going to be an absolute shit show. You know Donald Trump, the star of the apprentice? Well he’s the president of the United States and at the beginning of 2020 he gets into a…[Read more]