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Received a call from a recruitment agency. She said to me: “Sir I have two openings for you…!”

I replied : Yes. I know.

There was a long silence and then she said…..

Asshole!

Then I said, I prefer the other one.

I went for a job interview yesterday.

The interviewer said, “According to your CV, you like Philosophy, Astronomy and Mathematics.”

“Well that’s correct,” I replied.

“Can we have a discussion on that?” He asked again.

“Yes of course.” I answered.

“Well then,” he paused, “Do you think that we are alone in this Universe?”

“No,” I replied.…[Read more]

Awe look at that, 60 years they’ve been together and she’s just give him a big sloppy teenager kiss, so much in love. ” said my missus spying on our neighbors.

“Are you kidding, they hate each others guts and she’s just found out she’s Covid-19 positive. ” I replied.

A new sign in the Bank reads:

‘Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures…[Read more]

On a bright sunny day I think, ‘beer garden.’

And when it’s grey and raining, I love the warmth and cosiness of the pub.

If it’ snowing nothing beats sitting at home watching a good film with a few bottles of red wine.

I’m beginning to think I have a problem with the weather!!

A new virus which is spreading a hundred times quicker then Coronavirus has been discovered, the imasthickasshit virus affects people’s ability to social distance properly, people with the imasthickasshit virus will go out to parks and beauty spots in their droves with no worries about spreading the Coronavirus. Doctors think that Coronavirus a…[Read more]

A bloke goes into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm and says, “Do you do fishcakes?”

“Yeah.” Replied the chippy owner.

“Good,” says the bloke pointing at the salmon, “it’s his birthday.”

One of the first GTO Pontiacs being shipped to Nth America

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in…[Read more]