CommodoresPlus

My mates called me a tight arse, so I decided to buy them a beer to prove I’m not…

Turns out they wanted one fucing each!

A man visiting Scotland enters a very old pub, though the pub is full of people no one appeared to be drinking. Undeterred the man asks for a pint of beer. The barman pulls the pint and charges 1p. “1p for a pint of beer?’ ask the man. “Arh well” explains the barman “Today the pub is 100 years old, so to celebrate we are today charging the prices…[Read more]

COLIN THE ABORIGINE

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters, from…[Read more]

I’ve learnt 2 things tonight, I’m not very good on the drums,
And my neighbour’s got tourettes!

FC Wagon

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the pearly Gates. He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

‘Are you Mohammed?’ he asks, ‘No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.’ And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted…[Read more]

Little Johnny asks his father for a £200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny’s father says,

“We have an £80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a £200 bike this year.”

Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

His father asks him why he’s leaving.

Jo…[Read more]

XR Van

I hate when people see me at the supermarket & are like ”Hey what you doing here.” I’m like ”Oh you know, hunting wild fucing Elephants!!

My friends think I’m an oddball. Well that’s what I heard them say over my headphones, as I sat in an unmarked van outside the pub!!

IJ, this is really coming together nicely, once you blow some paint everywhere will look very Pro. 

<span class=”_4yxo”>Trump’s Parade</span>

<span class=”_4yxo”>An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air;…

[Read more]

1968 Firebird

I think, I’m going to lose my drivers license…
just because of a stupid police officer…
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”

Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”

Officer: “Ok, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a…[Read more]