CommodoresPlus

I went to see my doctor this morning.
“How can I help you?” she asked.
“I found a lump while I was in the bath,” I replied, pointing downwards.
“Oh right,” she said, “Take your trousers down for me.”
After having a good old feel of my balls for a few minutes, she said, “I can’t feel a lump.”<span class=”text_exposed_show”>
I said, “It’s on my…[Read more]

Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, ‘Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!’
The old man said, ‘There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, ‘Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact a…[Read more]

A Northern Territory farm hand (a Jackeroo) radios back to the Farm Manager.

“Bossman, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a Pig with the Truck. The Pig’s OK, but he’s stuck in the Truck’s Bullbars at the front of my Truck and is Wriggling and Squealing so much I can’t get him out.”

The Manager says, “OK, there’s a .303 Rifle behind the Front…[Read more]

A 19 year old lad has been dating a 17 year old girl for a few months. They’ve been to the pictures and return to her home where she lives with her father, mother having passed on several years previously.

They settle down to amuse themselves on the sofa in the sitting room, whilst the old man watches telly in the back room.

Now the girl is a…[Read more]

Roman’s invaded England three times and enslaved English people into slave labour, I would like Italy to apologise before I really get offended or I’m going to riot and destroy Hadrians wall.

Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1. At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. watch them slow down.

2. On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”

3. Skip down the street, rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a die…[Read more]

With due consideration, in Snooker the white ball has been withdrawn due to it being seen as Supreme-ist. The Yellow and Brown are being reviewed. Reluctantly the Black ball is being withdrawn in fear of backlash. Only Red, Green, Blue and Pink are to be used!!

Nice FC

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Tootsie, Joni, Jan, Bonnie, Judy and Muffy.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the…[Read more]

A real Chrysler

A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.

“Blowjobs for £20 if you’re interested”.

Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.

He sees one of the nuns and asks her, “Sister, what’s a blowjob?”

She replies, “£20. Same as in town”

It certainly is.

An accordionist was driving home after a gig and decided to stop for coffee at a motorway services. Whilst he was drinking his coffee he realised he had left his accordion on full display on the back seat of his car. He rushed out to cover it up but when he got to his car he realised he was too late. His back window was smashed in and 3 more…[Read more]