CommodoresPlus

Thought that guy was in the US, not sure?

“Your son just called me an old cow!” said my neighbour.
“That’s disgraceful,” I said. “I keep telling him not to judge people by their appearance.”

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life, because elephants never forget.

I was having a fight with a hoody last night when my wife opened the back door and said “Leave my washing line alone and get in this house you drunken idiot”

I was out clubbing last night, and saw a fat bloke chatting up a fat girl.

She turned him down though. I think she was worried he was just trying to get into her Snickers.

Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback, and came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first said, “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.”

The second said, “There’s an old gear box over there. Let’s throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”

So…[Read more]

An old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can’t see very well these days.”

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.

Doc says, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”

“The glasses are fine…[Read more]

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier…

Shocked, the cashier asks “What’s this for?”’

The Rastafarian replies “Me here to open a joint account mon”….

1970 Plymouth Barracuda

Usain Bolt can do a hundred meters in under Ten seconds, 9.58 to be exact. What’s even more surprising is Prince Andrew has been known for doing a spot of sprinting. He’s actually really fast too… Finishing in the Teens.

Three boys were sitting on a fence talking. One of the little boys says to the other, “If you could have your body covered in anything, what would it be?”
After thinking for a while the boy answers, “Silver.”

“Well, why?”

“I could peel it off and buy that Honda over there.”

The boy then asks the other, “And you?”

“Gold, I could peel it off…[Read more]

Yes thanks, this is something Ive always wanted to do with the Crewie since owning it. A lifetime fuel filter intank is ridiculous.