CommodoresPlus

A junior high school in South Louisiana was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick, and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, old Mr.…[Read more]

When I asked my Gran what she wanted for her birthday, she replied, “The best present I could ask for is to be surrounded by my friends.”
Well, we’ve just got back from the cemetery and she doesn’t seem too fucking happy.

A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

<span id=”jsc_c_1yp” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv…[Read more]

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot.
He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten,…[Read more]

An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent.
“I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!” The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The…[Read more]

Paddy’s been sat at the bar for three hours now, trying to figure out why his sister has four brothers, whilst he only has three

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Sa…[Read more]

We was enjoying our family holiday last week when my 12-year-old son said, “I wonder if the sea is cold, dad?”
“You’re just about to find out,” I laughed, picking him up and throwing him in.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” screamed my wife, as she stared at me in complete shock.
“It’s okay,” I replied, “He can swim.”
“Where to Steve? We’re on…[Read more]

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won’t be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat…[Read more]

<article id=”js-XFUniqueId72″ class=”message-body js-selectToQuote”>After his father has run off with another lady the little boy tells his mummy that she should find a new boyfriend. She tells him she doesn’t need a boyfriend and that the television is her new boyfriend. She tells him that even though she has to bang it to get it going that when…[Read more]

I woke up this morning and there was a great big strawberry growing on my nose,,went the doctors he said,,,,,,
Ive got some cream for that,,,

This fuel shortage is very worrying. Its been reported that some parents have had to walk for up to 5 whole minutes to take their children to school..

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she’s wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, “Where did you get that necklace?”

She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”

The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet.

Her husband asks, “Where…[Read more]

My girlfriend said last night “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance!!.

So a man and a little boy entered a barbershop together
The man received a full treatment, a haircut, shave, shampoo, and styling.
After he was done, he placed the boy in the chair.
‘I’m going to buy a tie to wear for tonight’s party, alright?’ he asked. ‘I’ll be back in a few minutes.’
‘Sure,’ the boy said.
By the time the boy was finished with…[Read more]

NASA is currently examining the planet Mars in order to work out why it has changed from warm and wet to cold and dry.
Maybe it got married!!.

I was watching the New Avengers Assemble movie when my wife asked, “What superpower would you have if you could have any?”
“Invisibility,” I replied.
“I’m intrigued,” she went on. “What would you do if you were invisible?”
“Sit here and watch the TV in feckin peace,” I replied!!.

My wife is really beginning to annoy me.
I took her out for a meal yesterday and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu…..
Double whopper with cheese!!.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span>

Need some advice..
I’ve been playing Gary Glitter rock and roll Christmas out loud, my neighbour said he was disgusted in me so I was wondering is it really too early for Christmas songs?.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span> and is it still ok to play cliff? <span c…[Read more]