CommodoresPlus

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom’s mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She…[Read more]

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him.
“Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady.
“Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.
They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
“What’s that for?” the lady questions.
“Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and…[Read more]

I think my wife’s starting to get dementia. She just said she doesn’t remember what she ever saw in me.

The Sky At Night is examining man’s fascination with the planet Mars. In 2010 we finally confirmed that there had been water on Mars but alcohol was not detected. So if mankind lives there, there will be no Mars bars….

Went to the doctors and he told me i needed a pacemaker. So now I’ve got this annoying Kenyan 2 yards in front of me everywhere I fucing go!!

67 Stang Fastback

I took my new girlfriend to a fund raiser event,we entered the one legged race and came last.she broke up with me 2 hours later, I said why?,She said we got off on the wrong foot,

As I recovered from surgery, I asked the doctor how it went. “Well” said the doc, “you’ve got a punctuated large intestine.” “Don’t you mean punctured or perforated?” I Asked. “No” said the doc..”we removed half of it, you’ve now got a semi-colon.”

A British Navy Destroyer stops four illegals in a row boat, rowing towards Brighton .”The captain gets on the loud hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?” One of the illegals stands up and shouts, “We are invading England !”
The crew of the Destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops laughing, he gets…[Read more]

Scientists are saying pubs may have to close if schools reopen. Is there really that much under age drinking?