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I took a scenic flight over Liverpool yesterday it was my first time in an aeroplane.
And we were heading towards New Brighton when the pilot had a heart attack and died.
So I got on the radio and told someone that the pilot was dead and he asked me what was happening with the plane?
I said we are flying towards New Brighton and it’s my first time…[Read more]

It’s with great sadness I have to inform all my family n friends that in the early hours of this morning my much loved turkey has passed away.

Due to the coronavirus situation the funeral will be at mine around 12.30 /1pm on the 25 December .

As we have a limit of 30 at present including the turkey please let me know ASAP who will be a…[Read more]

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says,
“We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive”
The four open the door and look out below.
The…[Read more]

BREAKING NEWS:

As of Monday all postmen will be working from home. They’ll be reading your letters and call you if it’s anything important!!..

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called ‘The Knob,’ where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted ‘The Knob.’

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the…[Read more]

Why Teachers Drink……………………
The following questions were set in last year’s school exam. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds):
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt,pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist…[Read more]

The Queen hosted a garden party yesterday attended by Prince Andrew,

Andrew approached the Cake Stand and was asked if he would like to try a Brownie..???

He politely declined.

But said,

*

“If there’s a Girl Guide going spare, he’ll have one of them instead!!”

I went to the tattoo artist and asked if he could do me a tattoo of a beautiful woman?

He said: “No problem sir….where would you like it?”

Me: “On the wife’s face!!”

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had…[Read more]

56 Chev 3100

My mate has just watched the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in the Ukraine in the 1980’s and was able to count at least 9 historical inaccuracies on one hand!