CommodoresPlus

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, “The other day,” I…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My wife was reading some of her quiz questions out of Cosmo, and she turned to me and asked, “Have you ever had sex with a really fat woman?” …She said…[Read more]

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, “The other day,” I…[Read more]

I got home from taking our son to the park.
“I’m really sorry, love,” I sobbed uncontrollably to the wife. “I left Sammy’s jacket on the bus.”
“That’s ok,” she laughed. “Why are you so upset?”
I replied, “Because Sammy is still in it.”

I went to the doctor to get a prescription for my alcoholism. “What’s the cost of this prescription?” I asked him. “$200,” he said. I said, “Woah, and what are the side effects?” “Drowsiness, nausea, headaches..” he listed. “I’ll decline,” I said. “It seems cheaper just to get drunk.”

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
“Ma’am,” he explained, “I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.”
“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”
“My babysitter’s boyfriend.”

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>The missus would be absolutely livid with me if she knew what kind of racist and sexist jokes I’ve been posting here….. Sincerely, Prince…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>From 1952 to 1963 the British Government tested nuclear weapons in Australia. That’s always puzzled me. Why go all that way when you’ve got Bradford on…[Read more]

The company Pfizer, which today announced the vaccine against Covid-19 soon, is the same company that created Viagra.
Therefore, we can fully rely on the announced vaccine, because if Pfizer was able to raise the dead, they should be much more easier too cure the living!!

I was working in my shop when the cashier called me over. He said, “These two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar notes.” “What did they look like?” I asked. He said, “Fifty dollar notes.”

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>News: Apple introduces HomePod device that hears everything you say, knows every answer, and controls your entire home….Shouldn’t it be called the…[Read more]