CommodoresPlus

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper…[Read more]

My wife told me she’s leaving me because I’m such a miserable bastard
Now that’s cheered me up immensely

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.
The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Definition of a backhanded compliment: Your wife telling you, “Nobody makes love to me the way you do.”</span>

At this time of year, I carry a stone when I go shopping. It’s for throwing at people who play or sing Christmas songs too early. I call it my Jingle Bell Rock. Sits nicely next to my ding a ling.

<span id=”jsc_c_i5″ class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv…[Read more]

With Christmas fast approaching I was wondering if anybody still believes in Santa?
I remember the day my parents told me Santa didn’t exist. I was so upset I got in my car and drove straight to the pub !

Looks and sounds awesome IJ, you must have a big smile on your face.  

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I don’t want to say that my wife’s large, but when she got hit by a truck I asked the driver, “Why didn’t go around her?” He said, “I didn’t have enough…[Read more]

There are better things in the world than alcohol but I don’t have them so alcohol will have to do

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I’m ruined! What’s the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130