CommodoresPlus

I just told my wife I’m going to start smoking marijuana.
She said, if I did she was going to leave me.
So, there is your proof that marijuana gets rid of pains….

<span id=”jsc_c_en” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk…[Read more]

There was a girl busking in town today.. Who asked.. Any Requests?
Your thong… I replied
The crowd gasped, and her friend punched me in the face! <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span>
I gueth thome people don’t like Elton John!!

Ordered some Chinese food last night.
When it got delivered, the Chinese man said “£20.00 pwease”
I said, “Do you know what Katie Prices son is called?”
He said “Harfey Pwice.”
I said “Cheers ting tong, here’s a tenner now fuk off”

Did a sexual harassment course earlier today at work. Think I’m going to be really good at it.

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id” dir=”auto”><span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”>Did you know Jesus Christ was going to be called Brian, but Joseph…[Read more]

A wealthy old man was lying on his deathbed, when it occurred to him he had never made a will, so he called his lawyer to help him make his will. The following day his lawyer came, and the wealthy man said, “I want 25% of my money to go to charity. After all I’ve taken, I should give something back.”
“How generous of you,” the lawyer…[Read more]

Today’s my birthday so my wife said she’d do my “favourite fantasy.” I had her put on a cute apron as a “naughty housewife” in the kitchen. She just stood there for 15 minutes, and then she said, “Well, aren’t you going to come get it over with and give me a rogering ?”
I replied, “No, I just love seeing you where you belong at the stove.”

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say,
“My name is Mick and I’m an alcoholic?”

Three guys died together in a terrible accident. Fortunately, they went to heaven.
St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here: Don’t step on the ducks, as they are God’s favourite creation.”
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it’s almost impossible not to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here come…[Read more]

I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.
She said to me, “Have you got a nickname?”
l said, “Yes, my mates call me ‘the sledge.'”
She giggled and said, ‘Is that because you’re a smooth ride?”
l said, “No, it’s because l always get pulled by dogs!!” <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab…[Read more]