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A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”
The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably…[Read more]

A drunk was wondering around the parking lot of a pub, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the pub and stops the guy.
“What the hell are you doing? ” he asks the drunk.
“I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it. ”
“So how does feeling the roof help you? ” He asked the…[Read more]

A Teacher had Johnny put Worms in 4 jars – One with Smoke, One with Sperm, One with Alcohol, and One with Soil. Then he left them there for a day:

The next day, the Worm in Smoke: Dead
One with Sperm: Dead
One with Alcohol: Dead
One with Soil: Alive

“So what did you learn Johnny?” Asked the Teacher.

Johnny said. “If I Drink, have Sex, and…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Two guys were sitting at a bar one night drinking and talking about their wives. “My old lady is so ugly,” one said, ” that when she went to the beauty…[Read more]

A drunk goes into a bar. “Drinks for everyone, and one for you too.” he says to the bartender. The bartender serves everyone, including himself. “That’ll be £76, please.” I don’t have any money.” says the drunk. The bartender takes him outside and beats him up.
The next day the drunk comes back. “Drinks for everyone, including the bartender.” The…[Read more]

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene

Client: Oh no! I’m ruined! What’s the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I told my Daughter to take an old damaged portrait of herself to a restorer to get fixed. Dirty bastard just texted me saying he’d touched her…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I got home at 3am, steaming drunk, and half a kebab down my shirt. My wife had a fit.I thought “I’ll sort her out in the morning. I’m not gonna let her…[Read more]

I got drunk and chatted up this bird down the pub. “You remind me of Bob Dylan,” she said. “What?” I replied, “profound and poetic?” “No,” she said, “I can hardly understand a word you are saying.”