CommodoresPlus

I went into this pet shop & asked the man behind the counter

“I’m looking for a dog for my wife”?

“Sorry” he said “We don’t do swaps”

How a man withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away
——————
How a woman withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7) Insert card
Hit cancel
9) Hunt in purse…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id” dir=”auto”><span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id”><b>What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynocologist ?…[Read more]

Created for the ’60s custom car show circuit, Mercury’s 1964 Comet Super Cyclone was one of a kind.

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”

“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price.”

“Well, that is being miserly,” the…[Read more]

I was talking to a fat bird. She said “A lot of guys find plus-size women attractive, what about you? I said “As a matter of fact yes, lots of guys find me attractive too.”

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<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0…[Read more]

The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower . . .
was the way it covered it’s eyes when it saw me “

<span id=”jsc_c_ih” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk qowsmv63 owwhemhu dp1hu0rb dhp61c6y i…[Read more]

Johnny’s teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, ‘E-G-G’
‘Very good’, says the teacher.
Peter says he had Toast, ‘T-O-A-S-T?
‘Excellent.’
Johnny has…[Read more]

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.

He wakes up as he’s being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

“Am I in heaven?” asks the disoriented priest.

“No” says one of the nurses. “We’re just taking a short cut through the children’s ward.”

Keith Richards once got a tortoise for his birthday:

He asked. “How old will it get.”

They told him. “About 300 years.”

He said. “Now you see why I’m against it, you get attached to such an animal and then it dies.”

TEACHER: “Why are you late,Johnny?”

JOHNNY: “Because of the sign Miss!.”

TEACHER: “What sign?”

JOHNNY: “The one that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.”