CommodoresPlus

The neighbour’s over the road have a christmas light that is doing my head in!!
It’s this little yellow box with a flashing blue light which lets out a continuous AND LOUD beeping noise!!!
I went round to complain, but they’re not in…and they’ve left the fecking door wide open!!.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvha…[Read more]

Paddy wanted to start a chicken farm, so he went to the dealer and brought 100 chickens.
A month later he went back to the dealer because the first lot of chickens had died and brought 100 more.
Again another month later he went back because the 2nd lot had died also, upon purchasing the 3rd lot, Paddy said
“You know I think I know where I’m…[Read more]

A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, “Are you a real biker?” He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy’s Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back…[Read more]

I just called My wife and told her I’ve accidentally chopped my finger off!
“The whole finger?” She asked.
“No thank god, the one next to it!” <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span>

A motor cycle policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something painfully pulling at his pubic hairs .

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull…[Read more]

<span class=”item muted”><abbr class=”DateTime” title=”Dec 6, 2021 at 04:48″ data-time=”1638726500″ data-diff=”0″ data-datestring=”Dec 6, 2021″ data-timestring=”04:48″> </abbr></span>
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Rang up work this morning..
“My wife passed away in the early hours.” I told them. “I’m going to need some time off work.”
“Oh dear, sorry for your loss.”…

[Read more]

So a doctor’s toilet was blocked so he rang the plumber.
The plumber said: “It’s early hours of the morning can’t it wait?” The doc said: “If you were ill I’d have to come out”.
The plumber said: “Fair enough” and called at the docs.
He lifted the toilet seat and threw in two paracetamol and said “Give it a few days and if it’s still the…[Read more]

My friend lost his ear in an accident and had to have a pigs ear transplanted on.

I asked him if it was working ok….
He said, “It’s fine apart from a bit of crackling!”

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, ‘Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell…[Read more]

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.
‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.
‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’
‘No, Silly,’ the blonde said, ‘f…[Read more]

My good deed done for today.
I was at Aldi this morning and I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her shopping came to £47.76 but when she counted her money she only had just under £40. I thought that she was probably someone’s gran and id like to think that someone would have helped my gran when she was alive. She didn’t want me to help h…[Read more]

The Mafia have decided to update it’s operations
to keep up with internet trading.
Their 1st venture is called PayUpPal.

Old Mrs. O’Malley told the clerk at her local Dublin Post Office that she want to by 50 Christmas stamps. “Sure”, said the clerk, “and in what denomination would you be wantin’ them?” “Oh my”, sighed Mrs. O’Malley, “has it come down to this? Then give me 25 Catholic and 25 Protestant.”

<span id=”jsc_c_5mj” class=”bp9cbjyn j83ag…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My wife joined us in the pub garden and gestured toward our son. “Why’s he crying?” “He let go of his balloon and it floated away.” “Ok… And why are…[Read more]

In the eighteen years we have been married my wife has had a boob job, a nose job, dyed her hair and finally a facelift.
Yet whenever we argue, her favourite line is always,
“You’re not the man I married.”….<span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span><span class=”pq6dq46d t…[Read more]

Had a checkup last week Doctor said ” Do you drink much”
I said “the odd pint why”
He said “your urine sample had a head on it

A blonde walks into a chemist and purchases a pack of condoms. “That will be $1.08, please,” says the clerk….

“What are the eight cents for?” asks the blonde. “It says one dollar right here on the packaging.”

“Tax,” replies the clerk.

“Gee,” says the blonde, “I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put.”

I decided that the best way to sort our marriage problems was to have a relaxing week in the sunshine.
Hopefully when I get back she will have calmed down!!..

My mate said, “It’s me and the wife’s 10th anniversary next weekend. I thought we could go somewhere really nice together.”
“Sounds good to me mate. What are you going to tell your wife though?”

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Sure, you can get your wife jewellery or an expensive purse or even an expensive bottle of perfume for Christmas, but she will NEVER forget the Christmas…[Read more]