CommodoresPlus

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me because she calls me her sixty second lover.

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Advice please. I have a mercedes c350cdi auto and I’m having problems with the gears. In the Daytime I put the gear stick in D and it drives normally,…[Read more]

The Angel of death came to a Pastor and said, “I am here to take your life”
The Pastor replied, “But I’m not ready!”.
The angel of death said, “Well your name is the next on my list”.
“Okay why don’t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before you take my life ?”.
“All right ” replied the angel. Then Pastor gave him some food with…[Read more]

Deep in the forest are two trees growing together. A beech, and a birch.

One day, a small tree begins to grow between them. The birch says to the beech, “Do you think that’s a son of a birch or a son of a beech?”

The beech says “I don’t know if that’s a son of a birch or a son of a beech.”

Just then a woodpecker landed on the small…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Paddy was walking down the road when he seen Sean O’Riley rowing a boat in the middle of a paddock, he calls out to him and says. “O’REILLY it is Irish…[Read more]

I called my doctors surgery this morning.
“I need to make an appointment for as soon as possible,” I said, “everything in my ear is echoing.”
“Ok,” she replied, “How does tomorrow sound?”
I said, “Morrow, orrow, row, ow.”

I went to the card shop yesterday and said, “Do you sell bereavement cards?”
“Yes we do.” replied the assistant.
“Good,” I said, “could I exchange this ‘Get Well Soon’ card for one?

I helped my neighbor out with some heavy lifting yesterday and she said to me ‘I could marry you!’

I couldn’t believe it, you go out of your way to help and be nice and they threaten to ruin your life in return!!

Walking around our town centre I saw a missing cat poster which said:
‘Missing from the town centre area:
our 3-year-old cat Tiddles (pictured).
He is recently neutered, wears a collar with a bell to alert birds, and is on a vegan diet.’
Underneath someone wrote: ‘
And you’re surprised he pissed off?’

My wife asked me to pass her lip balm and I gave her superglue by mistake.
She’s still not talking to me!