CommodoresPlus

NFI Smitty, looks good from my place.

I have announced that on 29th July I will be opening up a nightclub called “The Cemetery”
People will be dying to get in there.

My wife just woken up from a coma and thinks it’s 2005. Which is great news. That’s two years before i met her!

Last night on stage at the strip club was the ugliest dancer I’ve ever seen.
She danced up to me and said “Hey Handsome, what would you like me to take off first?”
I said “My glasses.”

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Went to the motor show, and as i parked up everyone from the BMW owners club rushed over and started pointing and videoing my old Toyota. That’s when i…[Read more]

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Guys, if your marriage fails don’t blame just her. It takes two people to turn a marriage into a toxic relationship……Blame her mother as…[Read more]

52 Customline

<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why…[Read more]

A Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.
Little Susie says, “In Heaven!”

Little Amy says, “In my heart!”

Little Johnny says, “In my bathroom!”

Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.

“I don’t know, I just hear my dad every morning banging on the bathroom door and yellin…[Read more]

I really was shipwrecked on a remote island once. I was there for five years before I was rescued.

The first responder to reach me was a woman in a tight wet suit. Mother Nature and genes had been very kind to her. She asked how long it had been since I had enjoyed a smoke. I told her, “Five years.” She unzipped a pocket on her wet suit…[Read more]

You ever had one of those days where you feel like your forgetting something. I pulled into the garage, got all the groceries out of the car. As I was walking in the house, my phone started ringing. I said “Hello honey whats up?” She asked “Where are you?” I said “I just got home from Woolworths, why?”
She said “I know, I went with you..”

Paddy said to Mick I was being chatted up by a right ugly bird in the pub last night.
She asked “Do you have a nickname?”
I answered “Yes, it’s sledge”
“Is it because you are smooth ride?” She giggled.
“No” came my reply, “It’s because I’m always being pulled by dogs”