CommodoresPlus

So I’ve just finished converting my van to electric.
I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer.
It wouldn’t start at first, then I realised I hadn’t shut the door properly!!.

I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right & exercise…
But that was 4 hours ago when I was younger & full of hope!

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father…[Read more]

The Tokyo Olympics should be abandoned because drug abuse is rife.
It became immediately obvious at the opening ceremony, when the athletes started waving to the crowd in an empty f++king stadium!

Some woman pulled up outside my garage and I said, “your timing is off love.”
“You can tell that without looking under the bonnet??”
“No, we’re closed.”

In a small fishing village, a fisherman was walking up the wharf carrying two – at least three-pound live lobsters – one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: “Well me Laddie I got you this…[Read more]

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard Paddy, her husband’s key in the door:
“Stay where you are.” She said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
Paddy lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
Paddy turned to his wife. “Hey, there are six…[Read more]

I fried an egg on a car bonnet today which taught me 2 things
(1) It really is hot enough to fry an egg on a car bonnet
(2) People get really pissed off when you fry eggs on their car!

So many patient complaints since I built a huge house in the main Hospital ward.
They don’t like my bedside Manor!

Did you know this about Albert Einstein?
Einstein was born March 14, 1879.
He would be 138, if he were alive today. Few people remember that he married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa “because she was so well endowed”.
(i.e., “Gigundo Mammaries!”)
He pos…[Read more]