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Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?”

“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.

“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.

“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling,…[Read more]

Paddy calls emergency services and says,”Please come quick,I’m trapped in my apartment building at 11 Point Pleasant.”
“What floor are you on sir?” asks the operator.
“Ceramic tiles I think.” says Paddy!

A man is watching a movie on television with his wife.
The wife says, “That Angelina Jolie is very attractive?” The man thinks about it, being careful to not to jump to the answer too soon. “Yeah, I guess you can say she is.” They go back to watching the film. The guy is comforted that nothing came of that loaded question.
Six years later, the…[Read more]

 
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The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher…

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Bill was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your…[Read more]

A 57 year old scruffy man who is the pm [ boris johnson ] and looks like a scarecrow is going to be a Dad again to his 33 year old wife.
Sources confirmed that Dominic Cummings and Matt Hancock are wanting a DNA test once the child is born to find out who the child’s biological father really is.

Little Tommy asked his mother: “who did I get my intelligence from”?
His mother replies; “it must be from your father ’cause I still have mine”

The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular.
‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is u…[Read more]

I refereed a woman’s football match yesterday it was brilliant, I booked two for muttering under their breath,one for giving me the silent treatment, and i sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what the feck she’d done wrong !

The family dog has been very aggressive lately.
My son suggested getting his balls chopped..
I don’t know what good that has done. Now I have an aggressive dog and a son with no bollocks!!