The Equipe of Doom

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Hi there Steelrod, and thanks for your feedback. Like failures deep within the bowels of the Equipe of Doom, this thread is not dead, it’s merely waiting for the least convenient time to make itself known.

But I do have an update. The car now has 1.5 working electric windows. The cable on the right rear window frayed so it wouldn’t go all the way up. Solved with a pair of lineman’s pliers and disconnecting the switch so no one messes with it again. Then a few weeks later the driver’s window wouldn’t go up. Temporarily solved by pulling out the switch in the console and shorting it with a flat blade I happened to have in my back pocket at the time. If I’m feeling particularly lucky I put it down while driving and use hopes and dreams to get it back up. The other 0.5 signifies the left rear window, which will only go down from the centre console switch, so I have to reach over and use the door switch to get it back up again.

And it has also been cosmetically enhanced by my mother-in-law when she backed it into a wall in a car park. She was tearfully apologetic, I was just gutted she hadn’t barrel-rolled it off a cliff into an oil tanker. Ahem.

Clear coat on the bonnet is now peeling, rust bubbles on the pillar and base of the front passenger door.

Number of farks given: Zero. You know your car is truly fearsome when even the local gang members won’t park next to it.

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Folks, yesterday was a momentous day. For the first time in 7 and a half years, and nigh on 100,000km, I changed the oil and filter on the beast. Took about half an hour for the oil to drain from the sump. One does not simply kill an Ecotec. Also discovered that when everyone I know is saying “don’t waste your money on an oil filter wrench, they’re bloody useless” it’s not a conspiracy; screwdriver through the side ftw.

I am now waiting for a phone call from my wife telling me it’s left a thick sludge all over the road and is making weird noises.

[vs manta 218Participant Vs hsv manta View build HERE Member since: March 2, 2015 Posts: 796]

As if it will die

I had a bush basher that possessed many of the A grade trade makes only a holden of this calibra can possess

We put a brick on the accelerator and sat back and waited and waited and waited

Dam thing just sat there on 20 000 rpm for about half hour

Then the prick ran out of fuel so we had no option but to kill it with fire

We didn’t try but I bet if we put fuel in it would of started

I have my doubts on this dying on a easy 600km drive, it will eat that like breakfast and crave more

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Yeah that was as of March 2013, it’s still sitting out there in the driveway, mocking me. I haven’t updated the SC thread in about a year.

Current state of play:

– No more race tape! Bumper was repaired and resprayed. Then my mother-in-law backed it into a wall. Now there’s a nice crack in it. I also dropped the trailer draw bar on the bumper as well, just to make sure it’s nice and banged up.

– Bonnet peeling nicely, front left quarter looking keen to get started too.

– Still running a custom 5-rib serpentine belt. New 6-rib and tensioner assembly is currently in the boot. Of my other car. Been there for months.

– Ignition switch shat itself so I got a new one from Holden, only to discover it was for a VT and wouldn’t fit. I nearly ragequit but decided I might as well have a play with it and ended up managing to build a hybrid VS/VT ignition switch that works perfectly. Shocked at my own competence.

– Smelling more like cat wee every day since it’s been raining more lately.

– Rear mudflaps removed, at speed, using a garden edging. Present from wife.

– Coming up 290,000km. Has now had 2 oil changes since 2006. Beginning to lose hope it will die.

[VRSenator065Participant Adelaide SAVR Senator LSx454 1960 Kombi (project) 1921 Nash Hot Rod (future project) View build HERE Member since: February 17, 2015 Posts: 5 777]

Seriously the funniest thread in the history of the Commodore Forum Universe

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Right, so the beast nearly failed its last WOF (roadworthy) for modifying any 6-rib belts by turning them into 5-rib belts. I bought another tensioner assembly from Holden to replace the one I bought from them about 18 months ago that was faulty from the get-go, leading to the 5-rib preference. I figured the weekend was a good enough time to fit it.

First I tried doing a half-engine coolant drain by using the pipe that slots through the back of the tensioner, but failed because the damn thing wouldn’t budge. So I pulled off the thermostat housing to allow me to whack the other end with a hammer, only to find I couldn’t get to it. This did however allow me to sort out the leak from the housing that is caused by the damage I did to it last time I used more hammer than skill.

I eventually got all the coolant pipes out of the way, replaced the assembly and put it all back together. My wife took it for a drive the next day to drop the kids at school only to bring it back making a squealing noise. The car that is, not her. The belt is slipping when the steering wheel is turned.

I did what any good home mechanic does and left it sitting until a couple of hours ago. I checked all pulleys and pumps for freedom of movement, then fired it up in the driveway. No noise. Gave it a few bootfuls, still nothing.

Turned the wheel a bit and it chirped. So I decided to take it for a drive. Fanged it up and down the street a bit (past Greg Murphy who lives locally and was visiting a few houses up, he’s rocking a VF GTS btw, he’ll be happy to know I approve) seesawing on the wheel, then pulled up just outside our house.

Now, this section of the street is wide enough to do a U-turn, so I drove round and round out the front, gradually getting faster to hear the change. I was hoping the belt was just a bit glazed because it was unused but had been hanging in a cold damp shed for years.

Then I stopped, cocked the wheels to one side and held the revs up around 4,000rpm to see if the belt would burr up a bit. Nothing but more squealing. Bugger.

So I pulled up the drive and turned it off.

Then I thought about the image I’d just set: Shaven-headed bloke with beaten-up VS V6 revs it in the drive, hoons up and down the street past Greg Murphy, does some Os, then a standstill with plenty of squealing but no smoke.

Kill me.

[EJ DUDEParticipant Perth1963 EJ Special View build HERE Member since: March 2, 2015 Posts: 39]

Car needs more solid cammed 355 with a hirise.

leave all the other imperfections and crap. Gives them character. Who needs electric windows and luxuries anyway.

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

I’m rapidly leaning towards that after the Stagea came home with yet another scrape on it from the supermarket car park. Also considering RBs, but sadly nothing will come to pass until after a potentially expensive family matter has been tended to.

I must say though, I gave up caring about the exterior of the Commodore some years ago. It’s refreshing to not give a fark if my mother in law braille parks in it.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by  Matty.

[KroozerParticipant Forbes, NSW91 VN SS View build HERE Member since: February 19, 2015 Posts: 336]

Fuck I Love your posts always a good read! 

[VS 5.0Participant Perth WAVE SSV Z Series M6 View build HERE Member since: March 31, 2015 Posts: 118]

EJ DUDE wrote:

Who needs electric windows and luxuries anyway.

 

Only more shit to go wrong.

[Dan811Participant SE Melbourne02 Monaro M6 LS1 View build HERE Member since: March 4, 2015 Posts: 124]

Matty wrote:

It’s refreshing to not give a fark if my mother in law braille parks in it.

LOL’d my arse off….

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

I feel so ashamed. Yesterday I suffered the ultimate humiliation. I employed someone else to work on the Equipe of Doom.

About a week ago, shortly after we discovered the Warrant of Fitness (roadworthy) on the Stagea had expired, the EoD gave a gentle “ping” when my wife tried to start it, and the dash remained lit up while the key became a free agent in the ignition barrel. I pushed it back into the carport, cursed it yet again and went back inside, not overly impressed we’d gone from a 2 car family to a 0 car family in one day.

So yesterday I had the day off and decided to pull the ignition apart, thinking maybe the ignition switch I’d built had come apart. It turned out my MacGuyver skills were too awesome for the ignition barrel to handle, and the little nub (technical term ahoy!) had snapped off in the switch.

Now, I knew the theory of getting the barrel out – turn the key to “ON”, stick something small in the hole at the top of the housing, pull on the key and the barrel will just slide out easily. I have disturbingly large fingers for someone my size (but a very happy wife, chortle) but eventually I got a 2.5mm allen key in there. Then I pulled on the key and the barrel just…

I PULLED on the key and the barrel just…

I PULLED ON THE DAMN KEY AND THE MARTHA FOCKING BARREL JUST…

…stayed put. But the key came out nice and easily. D’oh.

Commission one locksmith, wait 15 minutes (hooray for small towns) and feel like a dickhead as he whips it out in under a minute. Apparently I was too gentle.

Forty minutes later a new barrel was fitted, I put it all back together and was back to shaming my kids by picking them up in it.

 

The locksmith informed me he’d been told the ignition barrel was practically considered a consumable item and dealers were told to swap them out at major servicing intervals die to the faulty design. So I guess 19 years out of this one wasn’t so bad after all.

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

A coil pack started playing up a couple of days ago, so it idles fine but anything over about 10% throttle sees it drop a couple of cylinders and sound like a lumpy V4. The whole car shakes when this happens but I can’t stop laughing as I hurtle around town speeding up then backing off for a satisfying pop from the exhaust. People probably think I’m insane but then they’d be able to tell that just by looking at the car anyway.

In about 15 minutes I’m going to fart my way down to the local yard and try and tow an 8×5 trailer loaded with timber back home behind it. It’s going to be hi-frickin’-larious.

Also, I may fix it. Maybe.

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Ohai. Shady’s back, tell a friend.

I ended up changing the coil pack, then I bought another Stagea (so I now have two, I’m trying to collect the whole set) and the EoD continued to oil the driveway for another couple of years. The paint on the driver’s rear quarter started peeling, the passenger-side window switches stopped working and then started working again, and it looked like it was game over for our hero. We sold the house and the EoD’s ultimate demise was in our hands.

Did we crush it? Did we bollocks.

It’s now oiling/cooling the street outside the in-laws’ house while we finish renovating it for them. It’s bleeding fluids from every orifice, and the right-side rear seat belt is home to a colony of mould due to a leak. I can understand the mould’s desire to live there given it’s so handy to the swimming pool that develops in the boot whenever it rains.

We finally threw out the sheepskin seat covers after 16 years of faithful service as a butt warmers and cat-pee catchers. The front seats now feel totally foreign.

The odo now reads some 305,000km, and the rear end is so worn out it rolls over like the Poseidon whenever I corner at more than about 30km/h. Somehow it’s still holding together well enough to pass a WOF (6-monthly roadworthy) but it’s been demoted to round-town duties.

It hasn’t carted any fridges or trees in the back seat for a while now but it routinely doubles as a ute when picking up some framing timber from the local yard. Did you know you can fit a 3.4m length of framing timber in a VS sedan with the boot closed? Now you do.

My wife actually cleaned it the other day (sadly not in a bikini), and it came up alright for a 22-year-old-in-April (the car, not her…sadly).

She looked at it.

She looked at me.

She looked at it.

She looked at me.

She said “You know how you’re talking about doing another project…”

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by  Matty.

[Judge1 FrazerParticipant new zealand1983 VB LSA MG9 6060 6 speed View build HERE Member since: February 5, 2016 Posts: 775]

Mate Had to laugh at the last emoji could of used this one aswell

[NickParticipant Adelaide, SASeries 1 VX Commodore Wagon View build HERE Member since: April 23, 2015 Posts: 75]

Matty your thread is piss funny, your car reminds me of my very first car which was a VS wagon.
Absolutely clapped out piece of shit but it kept going for the 3 years I owned it.

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Judge1 Frazer wrote:

Mate Had to laugh at the last emoji could of used this one aswell

Oh hi there Frazer, Wellington lad perchance? I recall a gold VL with smokey back tyres there many years ago now with a JUDGE or JUDGE1 plate. Was that you?

[Judge1 FrazerParticipant new zealand1983 VB LSA MG9 6060 6 speed View build HERE Member since: February 5, 2016 Posts: 775]

Hey Matty Yes that  me the gold vk ( the Judge1), mate Allan had the rb26 gold vl  sadly the vk got stolen back in 2012  but your right about the tyres the tread wouldn’t  stay on

[MattyParticipant New ZealandVS Equipe of Doom View build HERE Member since: April 10, 2015 Posts: 44]

Ha, small world. I recall the VL repainting the roads outside the Chequered Flag in the Hutt many years ago while I was at a dyno day. I’m sure one (both?) of you had a magazine feature at some point too. Happy days…haven’t bought a mag for years now so I’m living on what memories I still have*.

 

 

 

*It should be noted I’m not losing my memories due to old age or infirmity, but due to the constant concussions I experience every time I hurtle off the line at the lights in the EoD. Which is, after all, the Ultimate Weapon.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by  Matty.

[VRSenator065Participant Adelaide SAVR Senator LSx454 1960 Kombi (project) 1921 Nash Hot Rod (future project) View build HERE Member since: February 17, 2015 Posts: 5 777]

Good to the see the Equipe of Doom lives on to fight another day…

[Author]

Posts