This topic contains 1,005 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by 
Micks 2 years, 10 months ago.
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Some differences between American and UK English.You say jelly we say jam. You say Jell-O we say jelly . You say chips we say crisps. You say fries we say chips. You say garbage we say rubbish. You say freeway we say motorway. You say gas we say petrol You say President we say bumbling fat incompetent dickhead.Just been round my Gran’s and opened our presents..My 5-year old son got a bottle of Jack Daniels, lucky bastard!!...I got Spider Man pyjamas which are way too small for me!!.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”>
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</span>I took 2 of those new sleeping tablets that I bought online but they had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever, what a waste of money.Anyway I have to go, need to do some last minute Christmas shopping!!.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”>
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</span>A nun went into an off licence and asked for a bottle of whisky.“Whisky?”, the assistant asked, “I thought you nuns didn’t drink!”“We don’t”, the nun replied, “This is for the Mother Superiors constipation!”She bought the whisky and left.Later that night the assistant saw the same nun dead drunk on a park bench.“I thought that was for the Mother Superior’s constipation?”, he said.“It ish!”, she replied, “When she sees me like this, she’ll shit herself!”I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ‘’I could marry you!’’, I couldn’t believe it.You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!!.. <span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”>
</span><span class=”pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu”></span><span id=”jsc_c_19r” class=”bp9cbjyn j83agx80 b3onmgus”></span>
<span class=”tojvnm2t a6sixzi8 abs2jz4q a8s20v7p t1p8iaqh k5wvi7nf q3lfd5jv pk4s997a bipmatt0 cebpdrjk qowsmv63 owwhemhu dp1hu0rb dhp61c6y iyyx5f41″> </span>A man who is a train conductor murders 5 people.He is sentenced to die in the electric chair.A few years later, his day has come and he’s asked what he wants for his last meal.“A dozen bananas”, he says.The man sits and eats 12 bananas one by one.Shortly after, he is strapped in to the electric chair and when the switch is pulled, the machine lights up and is clearly working, but seems to have no effect on the man.Engineers come in and look it over and everything is working perfectly.They pull the switch again and again, there is no effect on the man.After much deliberation, it is decided that his sentence was carried out and they have to let him go.He once again finds work as a train conductor.Awhile later, the man murders 5 more people.He is once again sentenced to die in the electric chair.He’s asked what he wants for his last meal.“A dozen bananas”, he says.The man sits and eats the 12 bananas one by one.Shortly after, he is strapped in and the switch is pulled.No effect on the man.They check the machine and it’s working perfectly.They pull the switch again.Nothing.It’s once again decided the man has to be let go.On his way out, the warden stops him and asks the man how eating a dozen bananas keeps him from being electrocuted by the chair.“The bananas don’t have anything to do with it”.“I’m just a bad conductor”…A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a “Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!” so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final “Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!” and rode off.“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service-station attendant.“Nothing,” the woman answered “I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians don’t use saddles.”
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