This topic contains 1,005 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by 
Micks 2 years, 10 months ago.
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<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>I thought I was listening to a Kate Bush song in the car when I realised that the radio was off and I needed to have my brake pads changed.</span>
I was walking by the river bank the other day, when an angler caught my eye.I wonder how much compensation I’ll get…If you know someone who will be lonely this Christmas, having their Christmas Dinner alone, please let me know.I need to borrow some chairs!!.Every time I took a girl home to meet mum she made it very clear she thought the girl wasn’t good enough for me
Sometimes it was the looks, sometimes the interests or sometimes even the sound of her voice.
She made dating very hard
One day I’d had enough and I thought, I’ll find a girl that looks like mum, shares the same interests and even sounds like her
Unbelievably against all odds the next day I found someone exactly like that and made them fall in love with me
So I took her home and guess what!
Dad fucin hates her<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>Donald Trump’s doctor has now ‘cleared’ the hoarse coughing President to resume work and rallies. Dr. Conley obviously knows what he’s talking about, as he also gave Stevie Wonder a clean bill of health to start driving lessons.</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>My heart is broken…from one moment to another things went from joy to pain and sadness. I still don’t get how a wonderful night ended in such a tragedy. Everything was so chill, so normal; we were all laughing, having fun, and suddenly everything changed I can’t stop crying. I wish this pain on no one…Nobody should go through this … I can still hear my friend crying in panic “You’re gonna drop it , hold it, hold it” I tried but I couldn’t do anything … I dropped our only bottle of red wine on the floor and I couldn’t save it!..</span>
Jesus applied for a job as a carpenter. The boss said “We have a job for you, one in Bury, one in Jerusalem.”“I’ll have the one in Bury.” said Jesus“But the one in Jerusalem pays more.”“I know” said Jesus, “but the last time I worked there they hammered me with tax”….This is a very sad story of the depression that can haunt a man. My friend Michael was so sick and tired of the world; of Covid, of Chinese aggression, of Global Warming, of BLM and the rest of the stories that our media deem important to broadcast.Michael drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favourite radio station and started the car.Two days later, a worried neighbour peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the police and ambulance and they broke in and pulled Michael from the car. Gave him a little sip of water and surprisingly he was in perfect condition but his Tesla had a flat battery.No Nativity this year because the 3 Wise Men face a travel ban.The shepherds have been furloughed.The Inn keeper has shut under tier 3 regulations and had a slump in bookings.Santa won’t be working as he would break the rule of 6 with Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner and Blitzen.As for Rudolph, with that red nose, he should be isolating and taking a test.Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you.He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!Then he takes me downstairs, and what’s there but a luxury car… a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner… a marvelous dinner… lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! ““So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!”Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?”Edna: “No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>The nurse looked at the patient and said, “I’ve never seen this before. I’m bringing in the doctor.” The doctor said, “I’ve never seen anything like this before. I’m showing you to the specialist.” The specialist said, “My god, I’ve never seen the like!” “What is it, something serious?” asked the patient. “Not really, it’s just that we’ve never treated a ginger in our STD clinic before.”</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>The male brain is a wonderful thing. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from the moment you’re born….right up until you meet a girl with big Boobs</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>News: Apple introduces HomePod device that hears everything you say, knows every answer, and controls your entire home….Shouldn’t it be called the iWife?</span>
I was working in my shop when the cashier called me over. He said, “These two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar notes.” “What did they look like?” I asked. He said, “Fifty dollar notes.”
The company Pfizer, which today announced the vaccine against Covid-19 soon, is the same company that created Viagra.
Therefore, we can fully rely on the announced vaccine, because if Pfizer was able to raise the dead, they should be much more easier too cure the living!!<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>From 1952 to 1963 the British Government tested nuclear weapons in Australia. That’s always puzzled me. Why go all that way when you’ve got Bradford on your doorstep?</span>
<span class=”d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql rrkovp55 a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v knj5qynh oo9gr5id hzawbc8m” dir=”auto”>The missus would be absolutely livid with me if she knew what kind of racist and sexist jokes I’ve been posting here….. Sincerely, Prince Harry</span>
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.“Ma’am,” he explained, “I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.”“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”“My babysitter’s boyfriend.”I went to the doctor to get a prescription for my alcoholism. “What’s the cost of this prescription?” I asked him. “$200,” he said. I said, “Woah, and what are the side effects?” “Drowsiness, nausea, headaches..” he listed. “I’ll decline,” I said. “It seems cheaper just to get drunk.”
I got home from taking our son to the park.“I’m really sorry, love,” I sobbed uncontrollably to the wife. “I left Sammy’s jacket on the bus.”“That’s ok,” she laughed. “Why are you so upset?”I replied, “Because Sammy is still in it.”
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