This topic contains 1,005 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by 
Micks 2 years, 11 months ago.
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I just opened up a broken musical instruments store and named it “Prince Andrews Music”. All the instruments only play in, A Minor.
Two gays were dancing, and one of the guys asked the other, “Why is it that whenever we dance, you get an erection?” the other guy answered, “Because you dance like an ass hole.”
A Nun at a Construction Site
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile asked, “Do you men know Jesus Christ?”
They shook their hea<span class=”text_exposed_show”>ds and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into
the steelwork and yelled, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”
One of the steelworkers asked why.
The worker yelled, “His wife is here with his lunch.”</span>Women who wear a ‘Wonderbra’ should come with a disclaimer notice: ‘Actual contents may vary from image on display.’
Is a sagging buttocks the same term as falling behind?
My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though…they threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
A guy goes into the Doctors and says ” Doctor, I have got three testicles, does that make me a freak?”
After a quick examination the Doctor says ” Wow you do indeed have three testicles, and no it doesn’t make you a freak, it makes you a unique human being, be proud of having them”
The guy comes out of the Doctors feeling ten feet tall and heads to the bus stop where another guy is waiting there.
Not being able to resist, he says to the guy ” Do you know that between us we have five balls?”
The other guy says ” Why, have you only got one?”Queens Inspection
The Queen is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel, 1 from each of her fighting forces.
She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a camel spider in their tent on operations?
The squaddie says, 1 would reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!
The matelot says, 1 would reach over, grab my boot and batter it to death!
The airman says, 1 would reach over, pick up my phone, call reception and ask, who has put a tent up in my hotel room?
I think it’s disgusting the way Prince Harry has treated his adoptive family after all they have done for him.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Micks.
My best mate’s wife was pregnant and he asked me to be godfather. So I threatened his family and killed his horse.
As Meghan is an actress, couldn’t she play Yoko Ono,the woman who split the Beatles………..or doesn’t she want to be typecast !
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Micks.
My girlfriend just sent me down the shop to get some orange juice but i forgot what one she wanted, i rang her and she said concentrate you silly bastard. I tried to but i still couldn’t remember ffs!!.
I’m not saying my wife’s fat.
But she wants to live on Quality Street.
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it:
An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.
The passerby asks. “Who’s in your upstairs room?”
The elderly man replies. “I can’t see how it’s any of your business. But, since you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs.”
The passerby hands him the used condom and says. “Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!”
The other day, my wife accused me of dressing up as Matt Damon’s secret agent character.
She must think I was Bourne yesterday
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by
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